


Denial

by Janamelie



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-31
Updated: 2012-03-31
Packaged: 2017-11-02 19:57:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/372796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Janamelie/pseuds/Janamelie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short one-off story set during Series 2's "Stasis Leak", delving into Rimmer's state of mind during that episode.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Denial

**Author's Note:**

> This story assumes that after the unsuccessful attempt in "Thanks For The Memory" to wipe out all evidence of Rimmer's altered memories, the crew decided to just quietly forget about it. Or try to...

"Yeah, and who's the incredibly gorgeous, hunky beefcake she's marrying?"  
  
Rimmer looked at the photo properly, then looked again, eyes widening in disbelief. "It's you! But you didn't marry Kochanski." He felt a familiar sensation in the pit of his stomach. His oldest friend. Fear.  
  
Lister's eyes sparkled. "Exactly! So how is this possible, unless somehow we go back in time?"  
  
Rimmer forced himself to speak, battening down the beginnings of a panic attack. "What's this got to do with my diary?"  
  
Halfway through Lister's explanation, he zoned out and concentrated on savouring their unaccustomed physical proximity. Lister was too absorbed in Holly's burbling to notice the faint crackle of the edge of Rimmer's projection against him.  
  
Until recently, Rimmer would have avoided getting any closer than necessary to the grubby Scouser in much the same way as his grotty bunkmate avoided exercise, vegetables and anything resembling work.  
  
But that was before.  
  
Before Lister in his stupid, chirpy way had tried to do Rimmer a favour by gifting him his memories of Lise, his onetime girlfriend.  
  
Now they were all Rimmer could think about.  
  
  
  
The affection. The sex. The moonlit walks on Southport beach. The small moments of understanding. The sex. The giggles at a private joke. The casual touches. The **sex**.  
  
  
  
Why had he let Listy persuade him he was better off retaining the memories? Git.  
  
  
  
At first, admittedly, keeping memories of frequent sex with a beautiful woman who loved him hadn't exactly been bad. Until the night a blissful dream involving whipped cream and tantalising, honey-coloured skin had been ruined - **ruined** \- as he lifted his head to see not Lise but his gimboid of a bunkmate. He had awoken to find that his damned penis and right hand had developed a mind of their own and were in no mood to listen to his panicked commands.  
  
He had put it down to his subconscious confusing the similar names. What else could it be?  
  
Unfortunately, it still seemed to be confused. Now whenever he tried to think of Lise, that impudent grin came into his head instead. Bringing with it feelings and sensations he had no desire to have about any male, let alone Lister.  
  
 _It's his fault. All of it. I'd never have dreamed of brushing against him before this. Now I know what I'm missing and even this is better than nothing._ "This" felt like the ghostliest echo of the lightest possible touch.  
  
Lister's distinctive accent filtered through Rimmer's reverie. "You don't know, do ya, Hol?" The tone was accusing for someone usually so irritatingly laidback.  
  
"No, I don't," Holly admitted frankly, not sounding all that concerned.  
  
Rimmer edged away from Lister and seized the chance to change the subject, just in case anyone had noticed.

"How come he never, ever knows anything? He's supposed to have an IQ of 6,000!"

  
  
 _I cannot believe that selfish little goit._  
  
As though Lister's first plan to go back in time and die with the rest of the crew, leaving Rimmer alone - well, with Cat and Holly, which was arguably worse - wasn't bad enough, he had to go and top it. Now he was intending to bring that snooty cow back to life so he could get it on with her. He, Rimmer, would have to watch them drooling over each other.  
  
No doubt they'd move into one of Red Dwarf's couple's quarters. He'd hear them shagging whenever he had the misfortune to be within earshot. They'd...  
  
 _Wait a minute._  
  
Why was he assuming he'd still be on? The only reason he'd been activated was to keep Lister sane. With Kochanski around, he'd be surplus to requirements.  
  
 _No!_  
  
Rimmer's instinct for self-preservation started to kick in. There had to be something he could do... The buzzsaw sounds above him gave him his answer. He had to get in first.  
  
  
  
He rubbed his hands in glee as he headed for Floor 16. It was perfect. Not only would he be alive again, but Lister wouldn't be able to bring back Kochanski, except as a hologram.  
  
 _Then **she'll** know what it's like. Wanting to touch. Not being able to. Serves her right for the way she always looked down on me._  
  
And serve Lister right too, the ungrateful little bastard. Two years he'd kept him sane and what did he get in return? The square root of nothing, that was what.  
  
He smirked as he entered the lift. This time, things were going to work out for Arnie J.


End file.
